It’s no secret to anyone that you and I aren’t as close as we used to be.
In a way it’s strange to think about that. We used to be best friends; we defined the phrase peas in a pod. At one time no one knew me better but you, and I knew you better than anyone else. When they wanted one of us they knew they’d get the other. Deep down? I know the distance was more my fault than yours as to why it all fell apart. I always wanted to bridge that canyon that opened up between us. Not as bad as you though. We both missed each other. Still, you missed me more. You tried. I simply accepted it. Maybe I should’ve tried more to fix it too. With both of us, it might’ve worked. I wish I had. God, do I wish that. I hope it’s not too late to do so. Soon, I pray I’ll have that opportunity again.
Not that I deserve one…but you do. You do.
When you first went missing, they thought the bus broke down. The band’s bus got there easily enough so yours should too, right? Then we started getting calls from Lauren. After that the police started calling. They needed information. Anything and everything. When the cops called late last night, I’d thought you were dead. We’d all flown out to LA by this point. You get a call from the police at three in the morning… I’d thought this was goodbye.
But it’s not, not yet.
We need you Nick. Here, with us. Lauren needs you now more than ever! The group needs you – you’re the little brother none of us ever had before we met you. I need you. There are so many things we should’ve said. So many things I should’ve said. How many times have you reached out to me in the past? How many times have you needed saving? I wasn’t there like I should’ve been. For that, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.
I’m here now. I’m here but this time I can’t save you.
I can’t bring you back to us the way I want to. I’m helpless and it kills me.
The only thing I can do now is pray.