I Remember

I remember the simple days.

There were simple days you know, when me and Brian would bunk together in tiny ass hotels, dreaming of the day we made it big. We figured we’d have the world at our feet, live next door to each other and we’d have rooms filled with video games and hot girls. Well, the hot girls dream came when I was fifteen. People forget how young I was when this all started. Heh, well and then others NEVER forget and still think I’m that age. Yeah I read the fan boards too. People say I have no life, but really, they’d check it too. Who wouldn’t be curious? And these days Brian doesn’t play video games anymore.

I guess that’s jealousy you hear. Or bitterness take your pick. I remember when me and Brian were inseparable. Those crack crazy Frick and Frack hats we made. Now THOSE were freaking awesome. We were always playing basketball, coming up with new prank ideas, hung on each other and wrestled. Brian was once my best friend. I wish he still was. No one else could come up with anything better than me pooping in that damn sock and putting it in the drum. Now that was hilarious. But really, I wish Brian was still my best friend for more than that.

People think Bean is my best friend now. BEEEEP! Wrong, try again later! I call him that, maybe I have this whole complex about wanting to not seem gay or pathetic. Yeah I said complex. I’m not stupid like everyone thinks I am. I was a kid when I said reside, and made those other mistakes. People like to think I’m still that kid. I remember when I wanted to be an adult, I wish I was a kid again. Those days were simpler. Now Brian has a wife who hates me. She’s Yoko Damn Ono to me. It’s gotten better since Baylee was born I guess. Brian did have me be his godfather. It’s not the same as it was though, it never will be. I still think its Brian urging her to be nicer. She loves AJ. Those pictures of AJ and Brian out together? Yeah, its easier for Brian to be AJ’s best friend now, cause he knows his wife won’t hate him for it. I miss my best friend.

I remember before AJ went to rehab. AJ was crazy then. Don’t get me wrong, the dude is still fucking crazier than the rest of us. Then though, before alcohol took over, it was different. AJ thrived off of fans, off of music more. Now he’s calmer, with this inner peace I can’t find my damn self. There’s that jealousy again. Then, I used to get on his nerves easier too hehe. Though I don’t care what you hear, he ALWAYS got me back! One time, I got into his shampoo right, now this is funny, and got his hair color to go bright orange. I think I was sixteen then. Hella funny, CLASSIC stuff. He got so mad at me, cause he couldn’t get it out. Best he could do was get it to fade to a piss shade yellow. Yeah he claims he did that on purpose? Hell no. All me baby. Orange would have been better. It was cheap stuff though, I wasn’t rich yet so it faded quick. Anyways, to get me back, the bastard, after a show, super glued my hands to a bathroom stall!

Even worse? The guys got in the damn tour bus and left without me! Took them thirty fucking minutes to realize I wasn’t there, come back, and then another thirty minutes to get my hands off the door. Johnny got so mad at AJ for that. Then he blamed me for it! Johnny, hate him then, hate him now. I remember when we were smart enough to stay away from him. Jive wanted us to go back to him if we wanted to make more music and we did. I wish we fought harder not to. I remember when making music was simpler.

Kevin. I remember when he was still in the group. That still hurts, have us be only a quartet now. My own dad, well, I shouldn’t even call him dad. I do, but meh. And my mom? Well everyone knows about her now. He raised me really. Taught me how to be a man and all that. He used to lecture me all the time for not being attentive and shit. That and the lady who tutored me and AJ always told HIM first how we were doing. Then he’d yell and yell…and sometimes spray it instead of say it. Me? I’d tune him out and mentally have my comic book adventures of Caterpillar man! He saved the world with the caterpillar brows of steel! Heheh, one time I said it out loud without meaning to. Kevin’s country accent exploded as his face went tomato. Priceless. Now I’m lecture free, and supposed to run my own life. I guess I should, I’m twenty seven now. I remember when I knew he’d be right there to help me deal. Now it’s a phone call away, but it’s not the same. It’s never the same.

I remember when Howie wasn’t glued to the phone. D, I love D. He’s the midget I love to pick on! Back then he was part of the group more. He still is now, he’s still that sneaky Stealth D who threatens me with plastic knives. Now, he’s always on the phone. With business deals, his DLF, with business plans, with new recruits for helping new musicians. I feel like we’re not as important. With Kevin gone, he’s the big brother. Now I sound like a sap, but I miss the cheesy “Howie Doin’?” Howie. He seemed more easy going then, more into the goal we shared. I remember when Howie was the biggest chesseball, beating out Brian, but now that title goes to me and AJ.

My siblings. I remember when Aaron didn’t scare the hell out of me daily. He was my mini clone, and toured with us, singing kiddie songs that girls adored. It was better than staying with my parents I used to say. Now I ain’t so sure. I’m scared he’s going down the path AJ went. He looks worse than AJ anymore, and I fear the day he might be in rehab or I get the call I never want to answer. BJ and Angel. I remember when I didn’t feel pushed into doing a reality show. When I wasn’t doing a show to help my siblings out cause I saw them mooching off of me. I don’t mind sharing my money, but they never really said thanks. I love them and will do anything for them, but mom poisoned them. I had fun doing House of Carters, but I felt like it was all for show. We’re back where we were before we taped it, and that hurts cause I see the fellas with their lives and families and know I don’t have it myself. And Leslie? Leslie avoids us all and moved to another damn country. Every time I reach out to her, she backs away. I remember when I was close to my brother and sisters, and knew they loved me like I love them.

Girlfriends, I remember when I knew they weren’t using me. Aight, no I can’t. But I remember when I was able to still dream of a girl who wanted me and not the Nick Carter image, with the fame and money that came with it. I remember when people didn’t think of me as an abuser too. Which was bullshit by the way. Paris was a huge mistake. I remember when she wasn’t in the media every damn day. Good times.

I remember a lot of things. I guess now Backstreet Boys are starting over. Many see us as a joke. I remember when they were begging us to be on their show or in their magazine, in the high point of our fame. I remember when we had to work our asses off and it wasn’t as easy as it was for Black and Blue. I admit, cause of all the AJ issues and group issues we coasted on that album. We were cocky. We’re now back to being forgotten. Now we’re going to show them we can come back yet again. I loved Never Gone as an album, even when half our fans didn’t. So did the fellas. Yet we’re coming back yet again, even a man down, to show we have a passion for music we won’t let die. We gave up a lot for this and I want it to be worth it.

I hope in the future, I’ll remember this day too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.