Coffee and Cigarettes







“You’re weird blondie.”

“This from the strange ass man who has a confessional in his house.”

“You know how fun sex is in that thing?”


“See, hah, betcha ya didn’t think of that one.”

“Jay my ass was sleeping and you called me for this.”

“Hell yeah, besides, D wouldn’t wake up.”

“No he just wasn’t stupid enough to answer the phone, he ignored your ass man.”

“So you’re admitting you’re slow.”


“You’re the one who makes it easy.”

“I think I see the fucking stalkers.”

“Paparazzi love your ass, dunno why.”

“Cause I have an ass and you don’t.”

“Why are you so obsessed with my ass Carter?”

“I ain’t, you just wish you had this one.”

“That big arse? Hell no.”

“You do too. I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly, I don’t think you’re ready for this…my booooooooooody is too BOOTYLICIOUS for ya babe!”

“And you fucking called me strange?”

“Um yeah.”

“Man those damn paparazzi won’t go away.”

“It’s me man, the smile”

“Or the fact you’re dancing for em singing Bootylicious as we’re walking to the store from the car.”

“That’s where we’re going? I thought you said it was important.”

“It is, coffee and cigarettes before the session IS important.”

“That’s not important! I could be sleeping! Kevin’s gonna be making sure we’re perfect because….this…album…is….the…first…in…five…years…for…us…”

“Nice Kevin, you even had the dirty brow.”

“Thank you, thank you, I’d like to thank the academy…”

“And AJ, your inspiration…”

“AJ who?”


“Fruity tootie!”

“Fruity fucking tootie?!”

“I dunno man, you’re the one who gets the manicures”

“And your beanie looks like a head condom. And you shave your fucking chest hair.”

“ I don’t shave it!”

“Do too!”

“Do not! I just ain’t a grizzly hairball of a thing.”

“Great now the clerk thinks we’re nuts.”

“Least he ain’t recognizing us, that’d suck.”

“Ehh it’d give Livedaily something to freak about.”

“Oooh Twinkies.”

“Aren’t you dieting.”

“What Kevin doesn’t know…will help me.”

“He’s gonna catch your huge ass.”

“Bootylicious ass. You got your damn shit yet?”

“Yes. You ain’t getting a pack?”

“I’m trying to quit bro.”

“You should.”

“Heh…what about you?”

“What about me.”

“You need to quit too.”

“Eh I need this.”

“Hey look more stalkers.”

“Least they’re still interested man.”

“Remember when we couldn’t escape em to save our lives?”

“We had to wear those dumb disguises.”

“Hey I thought they were hella bad ass.”

“You would.”

“Yes I-hey!”

“You make it so easy.”

“I do not and…Fuck.”

“What do you mean fuck?”

“I mean fuck I locked my keys in the damn car!”

“Fucking son of a dirty slut. You didn’t.”

“I so did. Damn.”

“Tell me you got your cell.”

“In the car! I woke up to pick your no-ass up, drove us here, left my cell in the car…”

“Along with your keys, fucking genius.”

“You got your phone?”

“In the car.”

“Now who’s the genius?”

“I ain’t the one who locked us out.”

“Well…shit. There a payphone around?”

“Age of cell phones Nick, they ain’t easy to find.”


“We’re gonna be so damn late for recording.”

“We got an hour and a half.”

“It’s on the other side of town, and we’re hoofing it. We’re screwed.”

“Kevin’s gonna kill us. Dammit AJ you just had to have your coffee and cigarettes didn’t you?”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.